Parenting Adult Children 3: Guest Blog from Nico Chart

In the big picture we move from dependence (at infancy) to being an influencer (hopefully) ... and after the point of departure: maybe we can hope to become an advisor. Later we might see role reversal when it is our turn to take advice from them, as the world moves beyond our level of comprehension, and maybe then on to complete dependence upon them one day...! Some people reach a level of maturity, able to take responsibility for themselves, at 15 or 16. Some not until aged 23 or 24. The legal point of adulthood at the 18th birthday is too late for some and too early for others! It is interesting that the brain does not complete its development until aged 25. Ref: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051. "The rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so." So there's definitely a role for parents to play as influencers and advisers during our children's early twenties. After that we must face another transition: How to give our children the respect they need from us, to help them live and act with confidence in their 30's? It’s a time to express pride and admiration for their work and life choices and the positive things we can see in them. When children enter their later 30's and their 40's they will no doubt have many life events and ups-and-downs to navigate. We can listen and share our own stories of how we faced similar issues, perhaps needing to reveal more of our own vulnerability than ever, especially if they face similar challenges to us in terms of relationships, anxieties, disappointments, health setbacks, crises of faith, etc.